Walking through the Valley

After moving, my depression morphed into extreme anxiety. Panic attacks everyday.  I was having issues in relationships and I was having a hard time even getting up every day.  I had two kids, so I had to.

I lived in fear.  Fear that the house would ever be built, fear that I would lose everything, fear that life would forever feel like this.

My digestive issues worsened.  I didn't think it was possible at the time, but it did.  I was throwing up almost every meal.  I was in constant pain.  My body was not healing at all.

I tried to put on a brave face for my family, but we were living in close quarters.  My eldest would always ask through the bathroom door "Mommy, are you throwing up again?"  I did not want that for her.  To have a sickly mother.

But I had always been sickly.  Always had the weird or extreme illnesses.  Always dealing with some issue.  34 years of stomach problems.  Made worse in intermediate school.  Then worse again in college and increasingly worse by the hour at this point in time.  

I was so tired.  I could basically make my kids food and that was about it.  My husband was working a lot and the friend we were staying with had gone to help out another dear friend that lost her husband.  It was easier to hide illness that way.  Just keep all interactions surface and happy and I was alone a lot of the time.

I ended up in the emergency room again in January.  They gave me a CT scan and it showed some gall stones, but they couldn't figure out the rest of my symptoms.  It was disheartening.

The next day I found out I had LICE!  Really?  Something else?  I had to treat everyone in the house for 3 weeks because we all ended up getting it.  That same day my grandmother passed away.  It was like a punch in the gut.

I really felt like we were plagued at that point.  Death, lice, blisters, injuries, illness, house delays, etc.  So many things were piling up.  I was about to burst.   I honestly was waiting for frogs or hail to crop up at any moment.

These type of stories always have a ray of hope.  I couldn't see it yet, but it was coming.  We were at the lowest of the low and we weren't prepared for the next step along the way because it completely and utterly changed our lives.