After the events surrounding my little girls birth had settled down. I pushed all those hard feelings down. Deep, deep down. I wasn't ready to deal with the memory of my body being close to death. I wasn't ready to deal with the emotions of how my children's and husband's faces looked when I left that day on the ambulance. I wasn't ready to talk to God about it because I was so mad.
I did vow however that I would not set foot in a hospital for a long time! That's for sure! Little did I know that over 6 months straight of antibiotic use and that severe of an allergic reaction had left my body completely wrecked.
All my minor allergies before that incident were now magnified. I would swell and gasp at the smallest hint of allergen (food or antibiotic). My entire digestive system was tanked. I had no good gut bacteria left in me. I tried eating healthy, but I had nothing to digest it. Every single stomach issue that I had had from when I was a child were much more severe.
They just continued to get worse as time went on. I made it the first year of my daughters life, dealing with serious and intermittent illnesses, but I just kept swallowing that bitterness and pushing forward. I'm surprised I was not severely depressed.
The euphoria of having a new little one was great! She was an excellent sleeper, ate like a champ, and was just a chill baby. Exactly what I needed after having a sweet and rambunctious older girl who was none of those things when she was a baby. It was much easier to adjust to the second go around.
April of 2015 landed me again in the emergency clinic. I had pneumonia. Apparently after lung and throat swelling of anaphylaxis, you are more susceptible to pneumonia in the future. I had another IV put in and had to do breathing treatments again. All those angry thoughts and feelings came bubbling to the surface. Does God enjoy letting these things happen to me? Am I some sort of whipping boy? Why me? Again?!
That's when the depression hit. I spent that whole summer numb. Nothing truly gave me joy, nothing truly bothered me. I just was. And for a crier like myself, to not be able to cry and to feel nothing, that is a big deal.
In the midst of all of this, we decided to make our move to the country. Land was calling to us! We got our house ready to sell and bought some property with my parents in a small town 40 minutes north of where we were at.
Our house was on the market for only a month! The Lord blessed us greatly in the sale. Still I lacked the joy or feeling to enjoy the moment. While we were in the last week before moving, I threw out my back. I could not move my spine at all. Ended up going to sports rehab for over a month.
We also had a bought of Hand, Foot and Mouth virus run through our girls and my husband at the same time. It was hard not to feel like we were experiencing the plagues of Egypt.
Once we moved, we stayed with a sweet friend for what we originally anticipated as a few weeks to a month. We ended up staying for almost 6 months due to insane hold ups with our home builders and contractors.
So much has happened in the last 6 months that it needs a separate post. Again this is not the end of the story! God can do so much even in our pain and suffering.
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