Enjoying the Journey

I love road trips.  I mean really, I LOVE road trips.  We recently went on a quick Mother's Day trip to Waco.  My hubby is so sweet and said that I could choose everything we did.  Which, obviously, included Magnolia Market on the first day.  Because like many of you, I'm addicted to Fixer Upper and Joanna Gaines is my design guru.

To get there from where we live, we go a tad bit out of the way to travel down one of my favorite drives in all of Texas.  It is gorgeous hills, plains, farms, livestock, wildlife, quarries and big skies.  My heart skips a beat just thinking about God's majesty on that road.

I was talking to the hubby as we drove and told him how much I love to take these trips.  A lot of the reason being the drive.  The journey to our destination and not necessarily the destination itself. It hit me how much I don't have that same feeling in my every day life.

If every day is a part of our journey, then we should stop to enjoy it.  Right?

I know realistically we are all human as none of us enjoy suffering, delays, pain, but hear me out.  If I would have stopped more over the past two years and said thank you for what God had given me, EVEN the trials, I think I would have been able to enjoy the journey a little more.

When I see the mountain of clothes that need to be folded and put away, thank You God we have clothes to wear.  When I see the dirty dishes in the sink, thank You God for food to eat.  You get my point.

I spent so much time grumbling.  And I know I will grumble again because it's sin nature.  But I pray that I can take these aha moments and remind myself to enjoy where God has me. I hope to have less time wasted and more time praising, even in storms to come.  

God has given us a fountain of joy that we can tap into at any time.  We have to choose it!

Zoe hula hooping at the Silos.

My Magnolia Market finds.

The girls relaxing at the hotel.

First trip to In N' Out Burger! DELICIOUS!

Amelia enjoying the ride.

Last day at Homestead Heritage.  Is there any place more serene?

Praying each of you enjoys your journey today.  Right where God has you.  

Hope in a Hopeless Place

After my grandmother's funeral, we continued to treat for lice and my stomach kept getting worse.  Sick, tired, and sad.  So very sad.  During the anxiety I could feel again, but I felt too much.  I was crying all the time and miserable.

A friend had asked me to come over one day to sign up for Plexus.  I was interested because I had heard good things about it helping your gut health.  I was desperate for anything at this point.  I never told her this, but when I was sitting with her in her breakfast room, I was so sick I was on the verge of tears the whole time we talked.  I was in so much pain.

As this progressed for another week, it got to the point that I was holding no food down.  When you live with chronic illness it's hard to determine what to take note of.  How do you know when is a time to seek attention, when you always feel like garbage and it feels like nothing new?  You just are so used to being ill that you don't know what should send up a red flag that you need immediate attention.

Well my red flag was blood.  More precisely blood in my stool.  Sorry if it's too much information.  Just telling you the truth.  I thought "well that's never happened before".  I was still hesitant to go to the ER.  My husband and cousin forced me to go.

I spent a few hours in the ER and they said that I had an intestinal infection.  My white blood cell count was elevated and they gave me another antibiotic.  Which I reacted to.  So I couldn't take that one.  I was running out of medications I could use because after my penicillin reaction, almost all antibiotics have caused me to flare up.

I stopped taking them and told the doctor.  He prescribed something else.  I had the same reaction.  I also ended up going back to the ER because of the pain.  When my husband and I got home that morning, I laid in bed and thought "well God, I guess this is it.  I can't take medication I desperately need to get better.  I guess the next thing is to go septic and die?  Is that how this ends?"  Sounds dramatic, but I can assure you when you are ill enough to have an infection running rampantly unchecked and causing intestinal bleeding, it's not far off the mark.

I resolved to talk to my husband the next day about wills, wishes, etc.  I was not sure what the next few weeks would bring.

The next day the Plexus came in.  I said "God if this stuff works, I say yes to it!"  The small glimmer of hope in me sparked the last bit of fight I had.  I was so worn down, it felt like I was dragging myself along by my arms because I wasn't walking anymore, metaphorically speaking.

After the first few days of some improvement, but nothing major, I took the BioCleanse.  I woke up the next day feeling amazing!  I hadn't felt that good in, well, ever!

A friend of mine whom I had been talking to over the phone immediately noticed a difference.  She said "you sound lighter?  Happier?" I told her that God gave me a new tool for my tool belt and told her what had happened.  She was shocked!  She was one of the only ones who knew how sick I had been for months and literally overnight I sounded like I could take on the world!

The ER doctor asked that I see a new GI doctor.  This was my 5th GI doctor and I had been diagnosed with everything under the sun.  Diverticulitis, gastroparesis, gastritis, esophogitis, IBS, IBD, polyps, ulcers... The list goes on and on.

I saw the doctor and he wanted to do another colonoscopy and endoscopy.  In the two weeks I waited for my procedure date, I continued the Plexus Triplex regimen.  I was happier than I had been in over a year.  When that chronic pain was removed, it's like a whole new life was opened up to me.

My procedure date came and I was slightly apprehensive at what they would find, because hey, you never know.  When I came to, the doctor came and said that everything looked good.  No sign of any of my previous diagnoses. No diverticulitis, no gastritis, no IBS, etc.  I was shocked!

He had taken biopsies and I would have to go in for those result the following two weeks.  I left excited and of course loopy from sedation.  I kept on my regimen and kept feeling better and better.

I had never felt this good in literally my entire life.  34 years of stomach problems, over 20 of which were chronic and acute, gone!

I went in for the biopsy results and everything came back normal! No chron's disease, no ulcerative colitis, no celiac disease.  My doctor said "you don't need me anymore."  I was like "what?"  I've never not had GI doctor in my adult life.  What do you mean I don't need one anymore?!  I have been able to walk away from a chronic illness, one that I thought would be with me forever and be the death of me, with a completely new lease on life.  Who does that?  GOD that's who!

He gave me an avenue of healing that I never expected.  All I had to do was say yes to His plan.  He rewarded that obedience with healing.  Radical, miraculous healing!  He has done that many times with me, but I never expected for this part to be healed.  I had it so long!

Do I think Plexus healed me of these things, yes and no.  God used it to drastically reduce the inflammation causing the pain, clean out the infection, and save my life.  God did the rest.  He basically gave me a clean slate by miraculously healing the abnormalities and deformities in my gut.  He brought me to my lowest point, mentally and physically to show my complete dependence on Him.

A friend of mine spoke a word over me before we moved out of our old house.  She felt like the Lord was saying to me "you will be torn down, but you will not be destroyed."  That is exactly what happened.  I was completely torn down in every way, but I was not destroyed.  And He is building me back up!

You know how I said it felt like we were plagued?  Little did I know that God was doing something deep in our hearts.  A few weeks ago during Passover, our pastor mentioned how the Israelites wandered and endured hardships in the desert for 40 years.  God took the Israelites out of Egypt, but he had to take the Egypt out of the Israelites.  God was pulling out the Egypt in me.  The areas I had allowed compromise.  The areas I had allowed too much of the world to be in control of me.  Those things don't come out through being Suzy Super Christian.  They come out through trial and pain.

God isn't done with me yet.  I have yet to do everything He wants me to.  I now have the future to do it!  Let's go move mountains people.  We have work to do!

Walking through the Valley

After moving, my depression morphed into extreme anxiety. Panic attacks everyday.  I was having issues in relationships and I was having a hard time even getting up every day.  I had two kids, so I had to.

I lived in fear.  Fear that the house would ever be built, fear that I would lose everything, fear that life would forever feel like this.

My digestive issues worsened.  I didn't think it was possible at the time, but it did.  I was throwing up almost every meal.  I was in constant pain.  My body was not healing at all.

I tried to put on a brave face for my family, but we were living in close quarters.  My eldest would always ask through the bathroom door "Mommy, are you throwing up again?"  I did not want that for her.  To have a sickly mother.

But I had always been sickly.  Always had the weird or extreme illnesses.  Always dealing with some issue.  34 years of stomach problems.  Made worse in intermediate school.  Then worse again in college and increasingly worse by the hour at this point in time.  

I was so tired.  I could basically make my kids food and that was about it.  My husband was working a lot and the friend we were staying with had gone to help out another dear friend that lost her husband.  It was easier to hide illness that way.  Just keep all interactions surface and happy and I was alone a lot of the time.

I ended up in the emergency room again in January.  They gave me a CT scan and it showed some gall stones, but they couldn't figure out the rest of my symptoms.  It was disheartening.

The next day I found out I had LICE!  Really?  Something else?  I had to treat everyone in the house for 3 weeks because we all ended up getting it.  That same day my grandmother passed away.  It was like a punch in the gut.

I really felt like we were plagued at that point.  Death, lice, blisters, injuries, illness, house delays, etc.  So many things were piling up.  I was about to burst.   I honestly was waiting for frogs or hail to crop up at any moment.

These type of stories always have a ray of hope.  I couldn't see it yet, but it was coming.  We were at the lowest of the low and we weren't prepared for the next step along the way because it completely and utterly changed our lives.

Continuing Forward

After the events surrounding my little girls birth had settled down.  I pushed all those hard feelings down.  Deep, deep down.  I wasn't ready to deal with the memory of my body being close to death.  I wasn't ready to deal with the emotions of how my children's and husband's faces looked when I left that day on the ambulance.  I wasn't ready to talk to God about it because I was so mad.

I did vow however that I would not set foot in a hospital for a long time! That's for sure!  Little did I know that over 6 months straight of antibiotic use and that severe of an allergic reaction had left my body completely wrecked.

All my minor allergies before that incident were now magnified.  I would swell and gasp at the smallest hint of allergen (food or antibiotic).  My entire digestive system was tanked.  I had no good gut bacteria left in me.  I tried eating healthy, but I had nothing to digest it.  Every single stomach issue that I had had from when I was a child were much more severe.

They just continued to get worse as time went on.  I made it the first year of my daughters life, dealing with serious and intermittent illnesses, but I just kept swallowing that bitterness and pushing forward.  I'm surprised I was not severely depressed.

The euphoria of having a new little one was great! She was an excellent sleeper, ate like a champ, and was just a chill baby.  Exactly what I needed after having a sweet and rambunctious older girl who was none of those things when she was a baby.  It was much easier to adjust to the second go around.

April of 2015 landed me again in the emergency clinic.  I had pneumonia.  Apparently after lung and throat swelling of anaphylaxis, you are more susceptible to pneumonia in the future.  I had another IV put in and had to do breathing treatments again.  All those angry thoughts and feelings came bubbling to the surface.  Does God enjoy letting these things happen to me?  Am I some sort of whipping boy?  Why me?  Again?!

That's when the depression hit.  I spent that whole summer numb.  Nothing truly gave me joy, nothing truly bothered me.  I just was.  And for a crier like myself, to not be able to cry and to feel nothing, that is a big deal.

In the midst of all of this, we decided to make our move to the country.  Land was calling to us! We got our house ready to sell and bought some property with my parents in a small town 40 minutes north of where we were at.

Our house was on the market for only a month!  The Lord blessed us greatly in the sale.  Still I lacked the joy or feeling to enjoy the moment.  While we were in the last week before moving, I threw out my back.  I could not move my spine at all.  Ended up going to sports rehab for over a month.

We also had a bought of Hand, Foot and Mouth virus run through our girls and my husband at the same time.  It was hard not to feel like we were experiencing the plagues of Egypt.

Once we moved, we stayed with a sweet friend for what we originally anticipated as a few weeks to a month.  We ended up staying for almost 6 months due to insane hold ups with our home builders and contractors.

So much has happened in the last 6 months that it needs a separate post.   Again this is not the end of the story! God can do so much even in our pain and suffering.

Two years...

A lot has happened since I posted on my previous blog.  Almost two years.  Two years worth of life, struggle, joy, sadness.

Our second baby was born healthy and on her due date! I was on bed rest for several months with her.  She is perfectly formed and sweet as can be.  I cannot believe she's almost two!

I have had numerous health issues since then.  Relationship ups and downs.  Job changes.  Heart aches.  Abundant, overwhelming joy.  Depression and anxiety.  Longing and loneliness.  Moved to the country.  Had a total transformation.  Overcoming evil with good.  And of course miracles! So many miracles.

I almost have a hard time picking one testimony or story over another to start with.  This is just a small preview of what we have been up to.  My desire is to share to bring hope.  God has done some amazing things, even in our darkest times.

I will start with our baby girl, Amelia and the events around her birth.  Grab some popcorn, it's a long one.

We induced on June 5, 2014.  I had been and out of active labor for 3 weeks straight.  Sometimes the active labor lasting from a few hours to a day or so.  Well come to find out, she was blessed with an extra large head.  She got stuck in my hip and we had to do a c-section.  One of my biggest fears.  But once she was out and she started crying, I thought to myself "God, if I had to do it all over again, I would! She is 100% worth it!"

Recovery from the c-section was much quicker than my previous birth and was not intimidating or painful.  I had heard horror stories, so I was especially pleased it wasn't the same for me.

A week after she was born, I had the worst tooth pain of my life.  Literally hunched over, holding my face, crying.  I had a broken tooth that couldn't be repaired while I was pregnant.  So off to the dentist I went.

A root canal was the order and I've never been overly skittish of the dentist so I was ok.  I just wanted the pain in my face to stop.

They had to numb me several times and it took forever! They also prescribed me some penicillin for the infection.  Little did I know the events that would unfold from there.

My face never woke up from anesthesia.  The anesthetic and needle placement caused Bell's Palsy on the left side of my face.  I've had Bell's before, but never this severe.  You could have hit me and I would not have felt a thing.  Complete paralysis.

I could deal with it! I was happy my baby was born healthy, I can deal with this!

After a few days of taking the antibiotic, I started to get red hives.  I thought I was getting shingles again only to find out the red hives were all over my body.  I was having an allergic reaction to the penicillin.  I stopped taking them.  I can deal with this!

The penicillin was still circulating in my body. My feet and hands began to swell.  My husband said that it looked like I was in a fat suit because my hands and feet were so stretched out.  It's like they didn't look real.  I began running a high fever.

I went to a new doctor because my original GP was booked.  He told me I was experiencing serum sickness.  When your body has been fighting off an allergen for a period of time that it's now in crisis mode.  I was prescribed steroids.  Ok, I have the right medication to help.  I can deal with this!

The swelling got worse and fever didn't go down so we went to the ER for another injection of steroids.  They went ahead and prescribed me another antibiotic because of infection.  They prescribed Levaquin.  I should feel better in the morning.  I can deal with this!

I start the new meds and I start to have this horrible tightness in my chest and my swelling is still really bad.  My head is throbbing! I'm not so sure I can deal with this!

Finally it gets so bad that my throat is swelling shut and my brain is screaming for oxygen.  I can barely talk as my chest and lungs are swelling shut.  I have to force out yelps of words.  It is unbearably painful and extremely surreal.  Like I was fully inhabiting my body but not inside of it at the same time.  I felt everything, but I felt like my mind and spirit were hanging on by a tether.  I definitely cannot handle this.

My husband starts to panic and asks if he should call an ambulance, I somewhat say no because I think of cost! But just a few seconds later, I yelp out "call the ambulance!".  He calls and within seconds an ambulance and firetruck are in the street.  They get IV's and drugs going.  They load me up while I look at my (by this time) 3 week old baby and my 3 year old daughter who is panicked and scared.  I give them all a thumbs up and a sign language "I love you" and I pray "God please don't let this be the last time I see them!"

I am slowly breathing better in the ambulance and they get me into the scariest looking ER room I have ever seen.  I can only assume that it's for emergency surgery.  Very big, bed in the middle of the room, bright lights and all sorts of crazy machinery.  I'm terrified and shaking. Somewhat from all of the steroids and benedryl they are pumping into my system every 15 minutes, but also out of fear.

Then a sweet face walks in the room.  A friend from our church who works in imaging got a text and she headed straight over.  She held my hand, prayed for me, and reassured me that everything was going to be alright.  She waited until I calmed down some and was breathing better before she had to go back to work.

Then a second sweet face walked into the room.  Another friend who left work early to pray with me.  She has had these reactions from food allergies and she knows how scary it is and how fast things can spiral.

Finally and thankfully my sweet husband walked in.  I was so relieved! My best friend had gotten to the house to watch the girls.  I can't stop crying.  I'm scared, I'm mad, and I'm worried for my exclusively breastfed newborn and my now traumatized toddler.

I wanted to know why? Why now? After we had endured the long months of bed rest.  After we had gone through so much already.  After everything.

Things began to turn around quickly after this, but the ramifications would last for the next 2 years.  One doctor revealed that the ER doctor should have never prescribed Levaquin after an allergy to penicillin.  It's too closely related.  She said that if I hadn't been taking oral steroids already, I would have died.  The steroids had slowed down the reaction.

I stayed for 2 days in the hospital.  I just wanted to be home with my children.  I missed my big girl and my new baby.  I missed my husband.  My husband stayed the first night with me.  I had to stay until all the antibiotic was out of my system.  The second night I was solo, but a good friend came to the hospital early the last morning.

That last day was so sweet.  My pastor and his wife came to visit, my best friend and her family came, and my parents who had been out of town came.  And of course the best, my hubby and kids came! Then they said I could go home.  Praise the Lord!

I went straight to the bedroom and slept! I also cried.  A lot.

I was still mad.  Mad at God (just being honest) for allowing this.  I already felt down and then kicked while I was down.  The only thing I could relate it to is getting in a terrible car crash.  Then when the car stops spinning, you realize you are ok! Yay! Unscathed!  Then an 18-wheeler plows into your car, maiming you.

I had a long journey of healing both physical and spiritual ahead of me.  Those will be stories for another day.  I will say that I'm so thankful He didn't leave me there in that place of despair.  This whole story is a journey that keeps unfolding.  This post may seem very negative, but it's the beginning of a new thing God has begun in me.  It's always darkest before the dawn.

  

Welcome!

Welcome to my new space!  I'm so excited you have joined. I wanted to streamline a little bit and give new life to my writing.  I will occasionally link to my former blog in reference to something, but this is where the majority of posts will be.

I have felt renewed passion to write what is on God's heart for our lives and for others.  I had a word from the Lord 4 years ago about writing.  So many things have come my way since then and I let the dream dwindle.  You can read about that awesome word HERE.

So why the title, The Everyday Miraculous?  Because everyday is miraculous, everyday is full of tiny miracles, everyday is filled with big miracles that we may not be able to see.  I hope to share these as I update you on some really amazing miracles both big and small that have happened in our lives.

Until then, be blessed!